I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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