the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
