What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize