During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A+ Viking dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
