omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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