Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
