I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
