this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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