$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
