Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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