You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
