1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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