So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
