Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this hospital has no fireball
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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