I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
