What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
