YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
