If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
