Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
