I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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