i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
