Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
