just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
