So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
