at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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