Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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