Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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