One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
