so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
