she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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