Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
