12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
