also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
