I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
