Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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