dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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