Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
