You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
