I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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