He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
