I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
