You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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