i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
