Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
