Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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