Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
