That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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