So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
