I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
