I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
