You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
