Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize