It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
