1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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