Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
