Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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