i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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