you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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