wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
