I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
