This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
