god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
