yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
