I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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