so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
