nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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