She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
