im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
