How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
