i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
