I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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