whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
